“Burning in the Bosom” there when you need it, gone when you don’t
As a youth, I was fascinated by Mormon History. I began studying it on the Internet only to find out about several controversies: Adam-God, Blood Atonement, Polyandry, and Racism.
As I was learning about Mormon History, I had friends in high school who were Protestant Christians who always told me that I was going to hell because I had the wrong Jesus.
I was very concerned that they were potentially right and the church was potentially wrong. After all, there were so many controversies in its history! I was scared that I was on my way to hell!
One day while walking home from school, I thought to myself: “if God wants me to become a Protestant Christian, he should tell me.”
I ran into my room and I prayed about which Church I should join. I felt an enormous comfort overcome me. I had a “burning in the bosom.” In my mind I “knew” that I was in the right Church.
At that time, I really wanted Mormonism to be true. I loved every bit of it and I didn’t want to split up my family. I clutched that experience desperately as validation for what I believed. I brushed off any evidence that the Church might be false by telling myself “I know it’s true.”
When I was a missionary, I realized that I could never be happy married to a woman. I wanted a man! When I no longer “wanted” that burning in the Bosom, I finally realized that the experience I had didn’t necessarily mean that Mormonism was true. After all, I cried when I watched the Lord of the Rings. Oh my Gosh! Tolkein must be a true prophet!