“Born again” Coming to terms with my sexuality
“Homosexuality is a serious sin.” That’s what the For Strength of Youth Pamphlet said. When I was thirteen, I had the conception that homosexuality was something terrible. I believed that it was a “choice” that people made to do sexual perversions.
In my middle school, a lesbian girl sat in front of me. I don’t remember how it happened by I told her I believed that homosexuality was a “serious perversion.” She broke out in tears and told me that “gay people love each other.” I laughed this off. Of course they don’t love each other! I thought it was all about sex.
When I was fourteen, I came to realize that I was gay. However, because of my prejudices, I had a negative view of my own sexuality. I didn’t believe that my attraction to men could constitute real love. I believed that it was carnal and fleshy.
I read David Copperfield by Charles Dickens when I was 17 years old. It became a personal favorite. In the book the protagonist, David calls Agnes, his wife at the end of his life, his “good angel” and the “hero of his life.” I had this emotion that a woman would come into my life and save me from my homosexuality. She would be my good angel. We would have a real love. But I never found a girl like her. She was but an illusion.
I grew up with physical attractions to men; I called them carnal and lustful. But I also grew up with this spiritual attraction to some ideal woman I had never met.
As a missionary, I liked someone of the same-sex. I realized that I had more than a carnal desire for sexual intercourse. I desired a real love with him. I had felt this way before about some men but this was so powerful that I recognized it.
The hero of my life, and my good angel was not real. I didn’t need to be saved from my “homosexuality.” Rather, I had been saved from my negative prejudices about it. I was born again!
I hope to encounter true love with a man. I want to be married. I now offer a plea.
I know now that my church instilled a negative view of homosexuality in me. Please don’t instill this negative view in your children. I don’t ask that you tell little kids about homosexuality but when they are mature enough, please tell them it’s o.k. You never know if one of them might be gay.
Please, do all you can to support same-sex marriage. You can say that legal benefits are sufficient for same-sex couples. They aren’t. By denying them the right to marriage, you communicate a message to the gay community that their families are second-class. Imagine how the children raised in these families must feel. They are told by society that their parents are not living an acceptable lifestyle. Imagine how gay teenagers must feel. They see how society denies gays basic rights and they don’t feel comfortable with themselves.
Please do all you can for gays. They are loving and moral. They don’t deserve to be told that they are perverts.