“Born again” Coming to terms with my sexuality

“Homosexuality is a serious sin.” That’s what the For Strength of Youth Pamphlet said.  When I was thirteen, I had the conception that homosexuality was something terrible.  I believed that it was a “choice” that people made to do sexual perversions.

In my middle school, a lesbian girl sat in front of me.  I don’t remember how it happened by I told her I believed that homosexuality was a “serious perversion.” She broke out in tears and told me that “gay people love each other.”  I laughed this off.  Of course they don’t love each other! I thought it was all about sex.

When I was fourteen, I came to realize that I was gay.  However, because of my prejudices, I had a negative view of my own sexuality.  I didn’t believe that my attraction to men could constitute real love.  I believed that it was carnal and fleshy. 

I read David Copperfield by Charles Dickens when I was 17 years old.  It became a personal favorite.  In the book the protagonist,  David calls Agnes, his wife at the end of his life, his “good angel” and the “hero of his life.”  I had this emotion that a woman would come into my life and save me from my homosexuality.  She would be my good angel.  We would have a real love.  But I never found a girl like her.  She was but an illusion.

I grew up with physical attractions to men; I called them carnal and lustful.  But I also grew up with this spiritual attraction to some ideal woman I had never met.

As a missionary, I liked someone of the same-sex.  I realized that I had more than a carnal desire for sexual intercourse.  I desired a real love with him.  I had felt this way before about some men but this was so powerful that I recognized it.

The hero of my life, and my good angel was not real.  I didn’t need to be saved from my “homosexuality.”  Rather, I had been saved from my negative prejudices about it.  I was born again!

I hope to encounter true love with a man.  I want to be married.  I now offer a plea.

I know now that my church instilled a negative view of homosexuality in me.  Please don’t instill this negative view in your children.  I don’t ask that you tell little kids about homosexuality but when they are mature enough, please tell them it’s o.k. You never know if one of them might be gay.

Please, do all you can to support same-sex marriage.  You can say that legal benefits are sufficient for same-sex couples.  They aren’t.  By denying them the right to marriage, you communicate a message to the gay community that their families are second-class.  Imagine how the children raised in these families must feel.  They are told by society that their parents are not living an acceptable lifestyle.  Imagine how gay teenagers must feel.  They see how society denies gays basic rights and they don’t feel comfortable with themselves.

Please do all you can for gays.  They are loving and moral.  They don’t deserve to be told that they are perverts.

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9 Comments

  1. I am afraid that I cannot agree with homosexuality being a good and godly thing. Romans chapter one clearly shows God’s disdain for the behaviour. Even while there are homosexuals in my immediate family I cannot pretend that it is not immoral.

    http://preachercarter.wordpress.com/

    • Hi preachercarter. Thanks for commenting. I hardly consider the Bible to be a source of moral authority. God’s levitical law contains commands to execute Sabath-breakers, and disobedient children. God commanded Moses to commit genocide.

      My religion is to love God and to love my neighbor as myself. Homosexuality is LOVE. And Love brings hope and life to our lives. When a gay person tries his whole life to fight his inclination to love someone of the same-sex, he lives a lonely life in despair of every becoming happy.

      “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all his substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.”
      Solomon’s Song 8:7

  2. J Hale, I hope you find rare and unconditional love – the kind that surpasses all understanding including various religious beliefs. There is nothing wrong with you, but you are exceptional for speaking out. Be happy, be well.

    • Thank you for your comments and your kind words

  3. Please direct me to the instances you have suggested where God requires execution of Sabbath breakers and where Moses was commanded to commit genocide.

    • “But of the cities of these people which the Lord thy God doth give thee for inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth. But thou shalt utterly destroy them: namely the Hittites, and the Amorittes, the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee.” Deuteronomy 20:16-17
      For evidence that the Israelites kept this commandment, please read the entire book of Joshua which documents the massacure of the men, women, and children of the people named.

      Numbers 25:32-36: man stoned for gathering sticks on the Sabbath
      Exodus 35:2: Here God gives the command to execute Sabbath breakers

  4. In respect to Deuteronomy please be sure to keep the noted text in context. The discussion has a focus on those that come against Israel. This is not genocide. The Exodus reference is accurate but I am not one to rewrite God’s Word. It stands. In Numbers 25 there are not 32 versus.

    • I am sorry, Sir. I was wrong about the Numbers reference. It is in chapter 15 in verses 32 through 36.

      There’s no indication in the Deuteronomy text that God was commanding the Israelites to kill only those that come against them. The peoples named by God in this text are people who were in Canaan before the Israelites arrived. God gave this revelation to Moses before the Israelites passed the Jordan River.

      The Book of Joshua shows how the Israelites applied the commandment. Look at what happened in Jericho in Joshua 6:21. The same happened at Ai in ch 8 verse 25. The Israelites killed women and children: unarmed innocents. Once the Israelites killed armed combatants and started killing women and children, it wasn’t a battle anymore; it was a massacure. If you read ch 11 of Joshua, you can see how many peoples, the Israelites wiped out.

      Even if there was armed opposition to the Israelites, it’s also important to remember that the Israelites were invading their lands. It’s a human duty to protect one’s property. Thus, the Israelites could be seen as the “bad guys” in these stories.

  5. william

    Thanks for posting. I had a huge crush on my companion while on my mission. im going to say he had a crush on me too because when I was transfered he would call me every day. We never did make advances on each other. talk about self control; living together 24/7 and sleeping in the same room with someone you have a crush on and dont take advantage of it. hes married now with kids in provo. me im still lonely and searching for love.

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