Discovering the Meaning of My First Secular Christmas

Christmas music has a special place in my heart. When I got to high school, I joined choir. Once we performed “Oh Come, Oh Come Emanuel” during a concert. We stood in a dark room holding candles. It hit me was that Jesus’ death brought light to dark places of my sins.
This Christmas season, memories of that song come back. Once I believed that the atonement of Christ is a bueatiful doctrine; today I believe that it is disguisting. Finding the meaning of Christmas without Christ is difficult.
At first I thought I would celebrate the commercial aspects of Chrismas; Santa Claus, presents, and Christmas parties. However, I soon realized that my fondest memories of Chrismas was not Santa at all; it was in my celebration of the light of Christ that I formed powerful memories.
Songs about the birth of Jesus I have heard have brought a sense of loss. I would love to sing along but when I try I can’t feel the passion I used to feel; I don’t believe in him anymore.
My sister is into applying pagan symbols to her own mormon faith. As we talked the other day, I had an epiphany. I can apply mormon beliefs as symbols to my own secular beliefs. Jesus is a symbol of light. We all pass through dark places and are in need of it.
I don’t believe that humanity needs the light Jesus is purported to have brought; the light we need is the light of love. Christmastime is about charity and family-time  This Christmas I enjoyed my time with my family and giving presents.
I learned that Christmas transcends Christ. To me Jesus is a symbol of its meaning; light and love.

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